I have an update to this article at It Pays to Have Faith in the Brethren.
I have to admit it. When I read that the Church had put couples living in same-sex marriages in the same category as polygamists and that excommunication is now required, I was relieved to have the questions over their status settled in my head. But when I read shortly after that the children of same-sex couples are to be treated like the children of polygamists, I panicked. The changes to Handbook 1 are printed at the bottom of the article so you can read them for yourself.
I have a some grandchildren, whom I love dearly, who are the product of a marriage that failed. He decided, after four children, that he would rather be gay, so he divorced my daughter and married his boyfriend. Now our grandchildren are forced by the courts to spend weekends with their biological father and his “spouse” and a whole month with them in the summer. Our whole family is in the in-between state of not knowing if the Church will allow these grandsons to use their priesthood or if they will not allow them to advance in the priesthood until they turn 18 and openly denounce their father’s lifestyle and promise never to live with him again.
It took years for us to get them baptized because of their father’s opposition to their baptisms. We finally got them baptized within the last 18 months. It was a wonderful and joyous blessing to all of us. Our daughter and her new husband are working toward greater activity in the Church and hope in the next few years to make it to the temple. Depending on how the local leaders rule on her case, this could set the whole family back years in their testimonies and be the greatest trial of their faith they have ever experienced. This is the topic I would like to address.
The living Church
I have written before about the Church and its need to change as the wickedness of the world increases and as the righteousness of the Saints increases. The Church as we know it must change in order to survive. It has been changing since the days of Joseph Smith. Programs like the Welfare system of the Church, Tithing, our stance on the various polygamous groups, and so much more are all changes that happened after Joseph’s death. This is the blessing of having living prophets. The things that will bless and protect us are revealed through the prophets, and those who follow the Brethren are protected from the wickedness of the current generation. Twenty-five years ago when the Brethren issued the Proclamation on the Family there were many of us who read it and thought, “Well Duh! Of course that is the way things are supposed to be.” It wasn’t until later that we saw how much foresight went into that proclamation and how valuable it has been in the struggles the Church has experienced over the whole gay issue.
I have looked forward to the changes I have known must come, but haven’t had any idea what they might be. The Lord promised that there would be a cleansing that would start within the Church. I have wondered what issue could be so divisive as to cause people to have to finally choose once and for all where their loyalty lay, with the world or with the Lord’s servants. I think rulings like this are just a taste of what is to come in the future.
Struggling with emotions
My purpose in writing this is that I hope to offer comfort to others who may have emotional struggles with this new policy. My first reaction was one of sheer panic. I immediately thought of the possibility that my grandsons and their family would be deprived of the use of the priesthood by these boys until they were old enough to vouch for themselves and declare their desire to renounce the sins of their father. It took a couple of hours of tears before a spirit of calm began to enter in and sooth my soul.
My faith in the Brethren tells me that even if my grandsons are not able to use their priesthood or receive any more of it until they turn 18, the Lord has promised that if we follow His servants and are faithful in all things that everything will work out for our good. I believe that. I trust that. I still don’t know what the decision will be on my grandsons, but at this point it doesn’t really matter.
Whether or not they are “punished” because of the sins of their father, their mother’s love for them will not change. Her faith in them will not change. Our faith in them as an extended family will not change. We will all continue to love them and urge them to be faithful in the church and to honor their commitments and say their prayers.
I have already read people’s reactions on social media stating that they are in opposition to the Brethren or angry with them for this change in policy. That is a visceral gut reaction that is not fair and is blindly made. We have promised the Lord we would support the Brethren. We pray for the Brethren, and especially our dear prophet. Where is our faith if we say we support him then lash out in anger and frustration when he acts as the Lord’s mouthpiece? This is sad. I encourage everyone to take time out and not make public statements that will only inflame feelings that pull others away from faithful behavior. Search out the Lord in prayer and get your own confirmation about what the prophet has declared so you are grounded by the Spirit of revelation. Once we know for ourselves that what was done is correct, then all the questions will get answered in their own due time. We just need to make sure we remain faithful to our leaders and supportive of the Lord’s servants.
There will be many parents and grandparents who will be nervous about the future of their families with this new policy. We need to throw ourselves on our knees and pray for the comfort that can only come from God. He will tell us that it will all work out. He will calm our souls and take away our sorrow. Please, support the prophet, and put your faith in Christ. You will not be disappointed in the end.
Here is an update from the LDS Newsroom
I copied this statement from KSL.com.
Church spokesman Erik Hawkins released the following statement:
“Church handbooks are policy and procedural guides for lay leaders who must administer the Church in many varied circumstances throughout the world. The Church has long been on record as opposing same-sex marriages. While it respects the law of the land, and acknowledges the right of others to think and act differently, it does not perform or accept same-sex marriage within its membership.”
Handbook 1, number 6.7.2 has been updated as follows (addition is highlighted):
When a Disciplinary Council May Be Necessary
Serious Transgression
. . . It includes (but is not limited to) attempted murder, forcible rape, sexual abuse, spouse abuse, intentional serious physical injury of others, adultery, fornication, homosexual relations (especially sexual cohabitation), deliberate abandonment of family responsibilities, . . .
Handbook 1, number 6.7.3 has been updated as follows (addition is highlighted):
When a Disciplinary Council is Mandatory
Apostasy
As used here, apostasy refers to members who:
- Repeatedly act in clear, open, and deliberate public opposition to the Church or its leaders.
- Persist in teaching as Church doctrine information that is not Church doctrine after they have been corrected by their bishop or a higher authority.
- Continue to follow the teachings of apostate sects (such as those that advocate plural marriage) after being corrected by their bishop or a higher authority.
- Are in a same-gender marriage.
- Formally join another church and advocate its teachings.
A new section in Handbook 1, 16.13 has been added as follows:
Children of a Parent Living in a Same-Gender Relationship
A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing.
A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may be baptized and confirmed, ordained, or recommended for missionary service only as follows:
A mission president or a stake president may request approval from the Office of the First Presidency to baptize and confirm, ordain, or recommend missionary service for a child of a parent who has lived or is living in a same-gender relationship when he is satisfied by personal interviews that both of the following requirements are met:
- The child accepts and is committed to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage.
- The child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage.
Thank you for posting this. It is beautiful, and reflects some of my own feelings on the subject. Trust in the Lord, and in His servants.
It’s important to note that this policy is for children living in a home with a same-sex marriage. A father who left the home to live a gay lifestyle would not have this impact on the children left behind (who are not in a home with a same-sex marriage).
It’s also worth noting that this policy does not keep any children from receiving a normal priesthood blessing — it’s only the blessing that makes them a “child of record” on the church membership roles that is prohibited. And, again, it’s not for a child of someone who is homosexual, but for a child living in a home with a same-sex marriage.
John, I respectfully disagree with you. I fully support the Prophet and the brethren regarding this issue. I do not question the revelation they have received. But you really need to read the excerpts from Handbook 1 more carefully before you comment. This policy disenfranchises any and all children under the age of 18, who have a parent that is living in a same sex relationship, regardless of whether the child lives with that parent or not, PERIOD. The question of where the child lives is irrelevant.
Dean,
I would question the sentiment that all children of a married gay couple are included in the statement of the handbook. This needs to be settled by a visit to a Stake President. Are you suggesting that those children who have a parent who left their spouse to join with another in a gay marriage are also disenfranchised? If they are living with the non-gay parent and not the gay parent, they may not be under the same ruling as those who live with the gay parent. I haven’t heard an official word on this scenario yet. Have you?
Kelly, I am fully capable of reading the plain language of the policy. I am not suggesting, I am ABSOLUTELY saying, that the new policy disenfranchises any and all children of any parent in a same sex relationship, regardless of whether the child lives with that gay parent or not. I agree with the policy, it is correct, it is modern day revelation. Please watch Elder Christofferson’s interview on mormonnewsroom.org.
Kelly, I have read the First Presidency’s November 13 letter. I must say, I was ABSOLUTELY wrong in my opinion dated November 8. I read the policy, watched Elder Christofferson’s video, along with many, many other posts and comments and I just got it wrong. I look forward to reading mormonbasics more often and will more fully appreciate your insight in the future.
Dean, always a pleasure to have another friend around. Thanks for your note.
well done said brother Kelly!!
Just more justification and rationalization for the “one, true” church. Utter garbage. Have fun conforming and disrespecting those who are not exactly like you in purpose and tribe.
I don’t know that all of the reactions to this new policy are “lashing out in anger”, but rather for some of us that were not raised in the church, it is more of doubt. Converts make the decision to join the church based on the lessons we take and what we learn. The idea of a “true church” is new to many converts outside of Utah. Even though I was raised Catholic and they in turn believe THEY are the true church, it is not really talked about. So when something like this happens, my first reaction is doubt. Alarm. I never want to follow blindly. I never want to inflict prejudice or hurt on another. I want to make kind, thoughtful choices. I want to think about what is being said and done. And I never, ever want to injure a child in anyway, even if it’s merely by agreeing to something that my heart can’t resolve. I don’t know right now where faith comes into it. Even with 30 years of membership behind me, I feel naive in the ways of the church sometimes. 33 years of temple marriage, two LDS children, and yet still naive to somethings, like this, that happen. That being said, I can’t imagine my life without the church. I’m also not stating that I disagree. I’m simply stating that I don’t yet understand. However, I’m not angry. Confused. Alarmed?
Anne,
I think your reaction is perfectly normal. I was surprised at my own reaction. I don’t normally panic when the Brethren make a change to a policy, but then I have never had a policy change come along that might possibly affect my family members who are trying to be faithful. I agree with John R. Pack who pointed out that it was the father who moved away who is participating in this lifestyle. My sense of alarm came when I wondered if it would cause any more delay in the advancement of my grandsons in the priesthood. Fortunately, they are all baptized and one of them now has the priesthood. I just know how much my daughter has had to struggle with an ex-husband who has fought her every step of the way in regards to helping the children be trained in the church. I guess I am being hyper vigilant about the possibility of yet another setback.
I trust the Brethren. I fully believe their collective wisdom and experience qualify them to make decisions of this scope and magnitude. I know the Lord will not let them do anything that would harm His children, so I am at peace with the decision. Now I wait to see how it all plays out. I will be there to support my daughter one way or another.
Thanks for your candid comment.
I really really really like what you wrote here and I especially like how you asked that we be careful not to, in a way, enlarge the wounds of those who are already wounded, especially those who are struggling with their testimonies. This issue is one that will have long-lasting effects, especially right now at this time, but we have to keep looking forward with faith to the Lord for his guidance.
I also like your point that we need to sustain the brethren and the Prophet at all times, not just when it’s popular and easy.
One question though. What is the reference for the Lord cleansing the church?
D&C 112:24 – 26
24 Behold, vengeance cometh speedily upon the inhabitants of the earth, a day of wrath, a day of burning, a day of desolation, of weeping, of mourning, and of lamentation; and as a whirlwind it shall come upon all the face of the earth, saith the Lord.
25 And upon my house shall it begin, and from my house shall it go forth, saith the Lord;
26 First among those among you, saith the Lord, who have professed to know my name and have not known me, and have blasphemed against me in the midst of my house, saith the Lord.
Also 1 Peter 4: 17 – 19. Some may say this only applies to the original Church, but it looks to me like it also applies to the latter-day Church.
17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?
18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?
19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.
Thank you for your comments. I hope this helps.
Onr thing I wanted to mention is that the Lord does not change, nor has he ever! However, there will come times when the world changes and the church must “react.” Please know that the Lord wants us all to be happy, our roads getting there may be longer or harder, but in the end, we shall all have the level of happiness we are awarded.
The Lord knows how to succor his children. We all need to repent. He loves all of us and He knows of our struggles with sin. I believe many of our homosexual brothers and sisters will recognize that. Repentance is in order. Many will break away from their sins and become sons and daughters of God. We need to have faith in our Prophet and our leaders.
I find it telling they way you describe your former SIL, “… he decided… that he would rather be gay and divorced my daughter and married his boyfriend.” People are born gay. In fact, on that note, people are born on a *spectrum* of sexuality and identity. There is no binary on/off switch in this world and we shouldn’t worry so much about partitions and compartmentalization of people.
Certainly it’s sad and always damaging when a person leaves their spouse, but your statement says a lot about the fundamental misunderstandings that the church and its members have towards homosexuals, bisexuals and people of trans-gender.
Perhaps your SIL felt pressure his whole life to “just have faith and it will all work out, promise,” so he married your daughter and had kids, only to realize it had all been completely misguided and terrible advice. I don’t know, obviously, but I’d say the chances are pretty good that he didn’t just suddenly get the “gay bug” and decide to abandon his family.
Nobody should have to be unhappy and they have a fundamental right to fix their situation in the pursuit of that happiness.
I think, in ~30 years, when the church has accepted homosexuals, as it did African Americans in 1978, you can look back on yourself and laugh at your bigoted beliefs, reinforced with BS rhetoric about “love” and the “protection of children.”
I am glad you shared your feeling, brother Merrill. My eldest stepson was gay, and he knew I loved him, but did not agree with his choice. When I was living with them, and a member of their family, I was able to teach truth to my stepchildren. At first, they were upset, which is very understandable. But afterwards, they thanked me and told me I was better to them then their own mother.
I never allowed them to show disrespect for their mother or father, but rather just taught them truth, and also taught them to have respect for themselves. It has been years, but I still pray they did well, and hopefully, some missionary, somewhere in the world where they might have lived, taught them the full truth, which I did not have back then.
God has never changed. His laws are the same since the time of Adam. Most people think they don’t need to keep the laws of God, nor do many even believe God is real. Yet, God still has His arms outstretched, and Jesus will forgive all of our sins, if we will go to Him and repent. He is truly the best example of Father there is.
I pray that all will take their concerns to the Bishops or Stake Presidents of their wards or branches to find out how this affects them, rather than just gossip or listen to those who are against the Lord and his prophets.
Sorry to be so windy. The main thing is, Kelly, once again you have shared truth and enlightenment. Thank you, and I’m sending you and your loved ones gentle hugs from a distance.
Thank you Midge for your kind words. Many of the events that are coming in the future will be packed with emotion. The trick, I feel, is to learn to realize that Satan would love for us to get caught up in the emotion or the sensationalism of a moment so we don’t see what he is really trying to get us to do. Many who are busy looking at what the world considers a travesty here is really love in action by the Brethren. The truth is always better than what the world would have us believe it is. I loved what Elder Christofferson had to say on the subject. His comments were filled with peace.
With the recent clarification from the Mormon Church stating its denial of membership and blessings to children of same-gender families as being based on “a desire to protect children in their innocence and in their minority years”, I have to question why the church fails to protect the innocence of child who represents thousands of children within the fold.
I am talking about the child comes from a textbook-standard heterosexual family in the church. He is very imaginative, loves music, loves Jesus and the Gospel. This child is gay, not by choice, but because that is just the way he was designed.
So I ask, where is the church’s desire to protect this child from emotional pain and mental abuse when this child learns that the feelings he is having inside is a sin next to murder?
Where is the church’s desire to protect this child from pain as he sits in a congregation with his family listening to church leaders preach the grievous eternal consequences of homosexuality while he feels the cold chills pricking down his neck, unable to swallow the lump in his throat, concealing the sweat in his palms and holding back the tears from the hallow jab of pain in his heart, hoping that no one will ever learn of his horrible secret?
Where is the church’s desire to protect this child’s innocence when he is forced to participate in Boy Scouts of America and other weekly hetero-eccentric activities only to be bullied and left on the sidelines because his interests are different, leaving him feeling alone and broken?
Where is the church’s desire to protect this child when he sits alone in his grief and tears with no one to talk to for fear of the consequences and shame?
Where is the church’s desire to protect this child’s innocence when he pleads with God in solitude, begging for relief, bargaining to be good so He will fix him and make him like all the other boys, only to feel like his lack of worthiness denied his desperate prayers to be answered?
Where is the church’s desire to protect this child’s innocence when he learns that the only way to survive in the church is to lie and to pretend that who he is does not exist?
And where is the church’s desire to protect this child when he finally has the courage to accept who God created him to be, only to have the welcoming arms and love of the church stripped from him, leaving him emotionally vulnerable without a community, without a heritage and often times without a family?
This child is me.
The children who need to be protected are not the one’s who live in same-sex families. It’s the children like me, who are raised with all good intentions to be outstanding Latter-day Saints, but are instead mentally and spiritually abused because of the make-up of our DNA. The pain that we are forced to endure stems from church leaders and our parents who fail to see us, accept us and love us for who we are.
So let me ask, what desire do you have to protect children in their innocence and in their minority years? And what hindering belief are you willing to let go of in order to protect these children?
Chad,
I understand your position, but God is the one who gives the commandments. We don’t have a say in that. It is our responsibility to live and keep His commandments. Changing them to suit our desires, no matter how much we are hurting, is not our prerogative. You will not be denied any blessing in the eternal worlds as long as you keep the commandments. It is as simple as that. When we are faced with such terrible challenges we must lean on the Lord all the more for the support we need to be obedient.
Chad, Do not forget the Church teaches that same gender attraction is NOT a sin. The sin is when the person engages in sexual BEHAVIOR, (and in this case heterosexual or homosexual) outside of marriage. And in the case of homosexuality behavior, it is always a sin, married or not. But again it is NOT the attraction it is the behavior.There are those who have same gender attraction who hold a Temple Recommend and church positions, including local leadership positions.
Also the Church has said they don’t know what the cause of same gender attraction is, they do NOT say, that anyone “decided to be guy.” Of course there are members who use that term but I think most of us know it is not a decision to have the temptations in life that we have, whether it is same gender attraction or our temptations are another sin.”For the natural man is an enemy to God, . . and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord . . . Mosiah 3:19 We ALL have our temptations and are an enemy of God when we ACT upon them.
Another comment. I find it interesting that as we have been told the good shall be made bad and the bad shall be made good in the last days, this issue proves the point. Heavenly Father’s prophets continue to say as the scriptures of old said, homosexuality is a sin. Man says it is natural and right. Who is getting condemned for their words.
I did read where someone pointed out church policy changed when the Priesthood was given to all men in 1978. That is kind of the point, Church Policy changed, not Doctrine. People seem to forget that when the Priesthood was taken away from those of African decent while Brigham Young was the Prophet, he said that the time would come when it would be extended to all men again. Other Prophets also said the same thing before it was extended to all. Never was it said to be an eternal Doctrine. Sexual sin is an eternal Doctrine.
i have been a member of the church since 1996,before then i was not supporting same-sex relationship for they are not accepted by GOD. when you join the church you can not pick and choose what doctrine to accept you have to accept all doctrine with the faith you had when you joined.