I wonder what my mother would say if she knew I was hearing voices in my head? I wonder if she would feel like I was a failure? Sometimes such things are almost unavoidable. But I don’t believe I am the only one to whom this happens.
When I awoke this morning I remember having asked the Lord for the strength and endurance I might need in the future to be able to take proper care of my wife as her health declined. And a voice in my head told me that it would be sufficient for me to build up the stamina I will need as the situations required it. There was no need for developing it beforehand. I felt a peace settle over me.
Sometimes when I sit down to write an article I stare at the blank screen and wonder what I am going to say about a particular subject, when suddenly the beginnings of a sentence comes into my mind. It is like someone is giving a sort of dictation. All I have is just the first couple of words. It is not my voice. I have come to recognize it as another person’s thoughts coming into my head. Once I start to type those first few words, the rest of the sentence follows, and before long I have an entire article in front of me. The interesting thing is that once I have written the article I don’t remember what I wrote. I know I put the words on paper, but I don’t remember the contents until I go back and read it. I recognize the words, but I don’t remember saying those things.
I have found that when I need to give a blessing, once I get past the parts where I have said what needs to be said, and I need to think of something to say that will be the actual healing or uplifting part of the blessing, that old, familiar voice comes into my head again, and the words begin to flow. There are times when I balk at what I am told to say, but when I resist, I become stupefied. I just stand there confused until I agree to say what I was told to say then the words begin to flow again.
When I find myself doing something I shouldn’t or I am confused about something, I can hear my mother’s voice in my head, “Kelly, I taught you better than that.” “Kelly, what do the scriptures teach? What do the prophets say about that?” I have a whole litany of comments my mother keeps up in my head. She is never far away.
As I sit in my chair and think about what I can or should do for those I have been assigned to minister to, I can hear a prophet’s voice in one of their Conference talks or recordings telling a story about service. Many of these people are long since dead and buried, but their voices are still clear in my head. I can even see their faces when I hear them speak in my head.
I can hear my Elders Quorum President giving me instructions about my assignments in the quorum, my Bishop reminding me he needs a more generous fast offering from me, and my Relief Society President sharing an example of kindness she felt she needed to share.
My head seems to be a busy place of late. I’m not sure where everyone is staying in that place in my head where all the voices come from, but it doesn’t seem to be filling up and running out of space. Thank heaven for all those voices.